Gay Recruitment

Human beings are hardly simple creatures.  Did you know for instance that many can watch tv and send text messages at the same time.  Given that straight people are able to drive cars, look after kids, hold down jobs and use tupperware, a complex, multi-faceted recruitment programme is needed to correct their strange and ridiculous tendencies.

Straight Identification

Of course the first step in healing straight people is to determine whether they really are that misfortunate.  The Ministry has created a list of 17 fool proof questions that determine whether the shocking truth is really indeed true:

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?

2. When and where did you decide you were a heterosexual?

3. Is it possible this is just a phase and you will out grow it?

4. Is it possible that your sexual orientation has stemmed from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?

5. Do your parents know you are straight? Do your friends know- how did they react?

6. If you have never slept with a person of the same sex, is it just possible that all you need is a good gay lover?

7. Why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality… can’t you just be who you are and keep it quiet?

8. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?

9. Why do heterosexuals try to recruit others into this lifestyle?

10. A disproportionate majority of child molesters are heterosexual… Do you consider it safe to expose children to heterosexual teachers?

11. Just what do men and women do in bed together? How can they truly know how to please each other, being so anatomically different?

12. With all the societal support marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships among heterosexuals?

13. How can you become a whole person if you limit yourself to compulsive, exclusive heterosexuality?

14. Considering the menace of overpopulation how could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual?

15. Could you trust a heterosexual therapist to be objective? Don’t you feel that he or she might be inclined to influence you in the direction of his orher leanings?

16. There seem to very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed that might enable you to change if you really want to.

17. Have you considered trying aversion therapy? 

 

 

Soft Persuasion

Really its all very simple for us.  ‘Its good to be gay’, of course and we feel its simple and effective to let straight people know the simple truth.  Once they understand the fluro lights and mirror balls will suddenly turn on and they will get it.  At that point all they have to do is to decide to be gay.  All very simple really.  I would go into the the technique but there isn’t really one really.  Our MOHA Recruitment Specialists simply let our strange breeding population understand the benefits: in swallowing the pink pill immediate changes will result in dancing ability, fashion sense, being much more sensitive and falling in love with Cher and Madonna even though they are old and can’t sing properly anyway.  Long term effects are more sex, quite a lot more sex, a higher income and never ageing – apparently.