Educate the Straight Away

slide_221977_894712_free-1Korea continues to be an inspiration for the Ministry of Homosexual Affairs.  And while we don’t approve of the country’s goals we are in absolute Ministerial love with its methods. Did you know that currently Korea has found a fascinatingly effective way to get rid of gay people?  So pressured by the conservative christian right, the South Korean Educational Ministry has come up with a full proof method to get rid of all gays and make sure we never rear our show tune singing heads again. Mullet_redneck It really would be far more exciting if rather than using this insightful technique on sexually innocent and confused children, they try it on mulleted farmers in Texas or black leather tassel collectors in New Zealand’s West Auckland.

Its all very simple really, they begin their programme at school level.  shhhh-feature-featureTeachers in South Korea are banned from even mentioning the existence of gays.  They are instructed, quite simply, to say: “what little Junior?  Gays, whats a gay, never heard of them/it.”   Yes, say it isn’t true, and it won’t be, just not there, not even up in a cloud of smoke (that would be poofy). Deny, deny, deny –  Student: “Whats that, I feel a bout of homosexuality coming on”.  Teacher: ‘Yes thats a brand new disease called homolitis, take two aspirin and call me in the morning.”

84651f61b678e0c999aeae2496da22a1-2So inspired is the Ministry’s Gay Recruitment Division that we have sent a Ministerial delegation across to those multi coloured shores to closely examine this phenomena and see if we can use it to recruit more homosexuals and promote the Gay Agenda.  Additionally, we are also trying some experiments ourselves. Yes, teams from the Division are current enroute to a Welsh Mining Town, an Alabama line dance convention and Uganda.  We surmise, if this brilliant technique can work on children why not adults? We are going to waltz on in and tell these breeding straights they don’t exist with large Ministerial issued smiles on our faces.  We think it will work.

We also wonder if this technique can transfer from people, to animals and then objects.  If indeed Non Existence Therapy does indeed work, the Ministry has already set about to work the magic on a huge range of other bothersome nitty grittys we would all like to see the back off. Here are just some:

  • Tassles, rhinestones and tight black leather jeans
  • The word ‘cow’, cows are fine but the word sounds ridiculous
  • Tupperware
  • Homophobia
  • Madonna doing the splits
  • Anything that uses a pastel colour
  • Pastel colours
  • Westboro Baptist Church
  • Paris Hilton's Birthday PartyParis Hilton
  • Small barky pug dogs

Good Gay!

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