There is a lot of nincompoop and hysterical rantings going on on and in the internet recently about embroidered gold trimmed tassels, IVF babies and garish handbags. Apparently one of these things is not traditional? Dolce and Gabbana made a little bit of a ruckus, something about a mother and a father being the only ones who could raise a child and they apparently have about as much love for IVF as you would have for a dead rat in your bed.
Apparently, the say the problem with all of the above is they are not ‘traditional’. Enough said – well thought out, logical, brilliantly argued and completely defendable answer. Using the world ‘traditional’ in times of any disagreement is of course Ministry policy and we encourage its use. If you get caught speeding, mention to the annoying police officer, anywhere in the conversation the word ‘traditional’ and you are sure to get off. Once you use the word ‘traditional’ anyone arguing won’t have a gold trimmed leg to stand on.
Given that 2 parents of the same sex and IVF are clearly wrong because they are not ‘traditional’ we here at the ministry have taken the liberty to suggest other ‘traditional’ practices that Sirs Dolce and Gabbana might like to implement in their daily traditional lives:
- As we all know that naughty woman or perhaps a naughty women bit into the forbidden fruit, it is traditional and best that, as the bible quotes that no women should be permitted “to teach or have authority over men; she is to keep silent.” Given of course that all women should be slaves, that shouldn’t be too hard. If of course you also happened to have a daughter, its traditional to make a bit of pocket money by selling her into slavery as well.
- In fact its all most compulsory and certainly traditional to always have slaves. Go ahead, have slaves. men and women in fact, provided of course, that you purchase them from neighbouring countries.
- Its absolutely traditional to wear sacred underwear that protects believers from spiritual contamination and fire and speeding bullets. Dolce and Gabbana should like that one.
- What ever you do its completely not traditional to for a man to look at woman or a woman look at a man it is completely adulterous and certainly not TRADITIONAL. Thank god we live in a homonormative world.
- Foot binding for all women. It might be a little bit difficult to pop down to the shop but do it – its traditional.
- It might be best also to listen to god, if you don’t then apparently its traditional, as punishment to eat your babies. Its not said however how you are supposed to eat them, of course, I will get the Ministry to look at culinary options. While we are at it, if you don’t have kids but you don’t listen to God, do you have to eat other people’s babies? All very confusing but as its all traditional, I am sure we can work it out.
- Got a cold, get rid of some blood! Got an ingrained toe nail, cut a hole in it and let out some blood! Yes ‘blood letting’ is a traditional and therefore a medically sound way of curing just about anything. I wonder if we can cure straight people this way? I will get the Ministry’s Science division to run some tests.
- And last but not least – its completely and utterly traditional to wear a one piece. Yes, if its good enough for our cave fore fathers it should be good enough for Dolce and Gabbana who, lets face it, need a bit of traditional inspiration anyway.