Recently in a place called America, the top half of it, well below Canada, gay men can’t give blood. This is because all gay men have HIV Aids which is a disease that straight people don’t get – lucky them. I myself don’t have it although I did have dinner with a chap once who had spoken to a lady who’s dog was groomed by a man whose mother was a man who saw another man who went to a park and sat down at a park bench recently vacated by a beagle who reportedly had HIV Aids, once, at some point in his life.
Members of Congress in America are getting all excited telling the Health and Human Services Secretary Sylvia Mathews Burwell to end this policy which was apparently instituted the last time I went to a hygienist to clean my teeth in 1983.
The Ministry had communicative intercourse with Ms Burwell who told us, and I quote “glump whump, doo daa diddy can I have a cup of tea”. It didn’t make much sense to me but then I have a low threshold for logic made using synthetic products in a sweat shop run by drunk Koalas.
Of course we at the Ministry of Homosexual Affairs would like to pursue this important news further so I asked the Ministry’s Enforcement of Ridiculous Stereotypes Department to find out if there were any more issues with gay blood. Full disclosure is of course important.
Gay blood is apparently gay. However, only in small amounts. There is of course the thorny HIV issue but also if one doesn’t want to be gay (can’t understand why, the weather is so much better) then they should only use one pint, every other day but Sunday last week on a Wednesday. The good news is if they go over this point and, were, for example to use another pint on Monday at 4:33 they would start to be gay but not entirely gay. Symptoms include interior decorating, a heightened appreciation of Kpop and all round fabulousness but only in small amounts.
In the unlikely event that more blood was used or it had came from a chap named Phillip (that is such a gay name) then one would start to dance naked to Rhianna, get really angry about too much salt on his crackers and download the entire series of HBO’s Looking, watch it in a weekend and get sooooooo emotional about Patrick and Richie’s relationship.
We hope this helps.