Those strange and liberal Europeans currently have their Ikea knickers in a twist about gay asylum seekers having to prove their holy state sanctioned and hard-wired gayness. We at the Ministry can’t understand the problem – I say we but I mean mostly me as section 5639B of the MOHA The Minister is Always Right Law, Section 4B Appendices B states “The Minister is always right.
Its perfectly acceptable to test for one’s sexuality – we’ve been doing it for years. And bloody successfully I might add. Given the Ministry’s stated belief that everyone is gay until proven guilty, the importance is imperative.
I ask you to peruse the ‘Gay Recruitment’ section of this web site thingee. Here you will find a questioneer created by the Ministry’s Research-of-Strange-Sexualities-Other-Than-Gay-Although-We-Think-Thats-Wierd Team has come up with.
Here are a selection of the questions:
1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?
2. When and where did you decide you were a heterosexual?
3. Is it possible this is just a phase and you will out grow it?
4. Is it possible that your sexual orientation has stemmed from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?
5. Do your parents know you are straight? Do your friends know- how did they react?
6. If you have never slept with a person of the same sex, is it just possible that all you need is a good gay lover?
7. Why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality… can’t you just be who you are and keep it quiet?
8. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?
9. Why do heterosexuals try to recruit others into this lifestyle?
10. A disproportionate majority of child molesters are heterosexual… Do you consider it safe to expose children to heterosexual teachers?
Other such means of straight identification include wearing flip flops and sweaters, drinking instant coffee, being able to change a light bulb and constantly raving about how good Pink Floyd were.
If you find this complex idea hard to stomach, the good people at the above team have come up with a useful infographic to help you.